July 10, 2001
Miscellaneous Subjects 95: 1. Why Our Planet is Failing + 2. Sperm on the wane + 3. Monsanto's GM canola has become an out of control weed + 4. US may resume nuclear weapons tests + 5. Department of Peace Act to be Introduced in July in the U.S. Congress + 6. Peace Concerts in Manchester & Jerusalem + 7. Persecutions In China: Support Falun Gong + 8. Fear of flying? & Bribing the Judge & Inspirational Posters for Real Life + 9. Odd news, for a laugh
No room left to add any comment here - see my intro notes below.
Lots of important stuff in this one...
Earth Rainbow Network Coordinator
P.S. Make sure to give a thorough look at the following URLs, from the Crop Circle Connector website, to see the once-again amazing pictorial creations of higher-dimensional beings - see also the attached small pictures as introductory samples.
To find all the 2001 pictorial designs included at this website:
Also, Julian <email@example.com> wrote:
Words stronger than any I could write are engraved on the Haymarket Monument:
THE DAY WILL COME WHEN OUR SILENCE WILL BE MORE POWERFUL THAN THE VOICES YOU ARE THROTTLING TODAY.
- Author: according to Julian it was "a german, who was lynched by the authorities"
Date: Sun, 8 Jul 2001
Subject: Why Our Planet is Failing
From: art b Rosenblum <firstname.lastname@example.org>
REVERSING FAILURE - Learning from Success
I did not learn to fly by studying crashes ! This is presently a failed planet and though humans have worked thousands of years trying to put things right, improvement seems tenuous at best. Many believe things are getting worse !
I've been researching a positive future for this planet for well over 30 years and most of what we've come to is only partially successful, in other words a failure. I've seen many communal lifestyles based on love but none are really what they should be. That is entirely unacceptable. It is time to stop studying the "crashes" and learn from the really successful cultures that have solved the problems we've been struggling with so long. Clearly successful cultures are out there and have been for decades (at least) visiting us by travel faster than light !
But this has been covered up for over 50 years by corporations and their government/military buddies. Whenever some of the truth leaks out, as it must, they have PR types insert lies and distortions to make it appear ridiculous so that few competent scientists will even take a good look.
But now that is changing. Many people working directly with UFO's and their ET crews, whose lives have been threatened if they ever breathe a word of it, are getting old. They have ceased to fear the threats and are speaking out. Younger ones see that and are speaking out also. I recently (May 9) attended a press conference in D.C. where 22 of them came forward and risked all to tell the truth. Four hundred more are waiting to testify before congress.
There were over 100 reporters present with about 25 big cameras. They were given a computer CD containing a 500 page briefing book with the facts and a 100 page summary to make it easier to search. I got one also. So what did the media do ?
They almost entirely ignored it !
Monica Lewinski (Clinton's pet) got lots of publicity for weeks and when she held a press conference it was viewed live on the Internet by 25,000, a record. This May 9th press conference by CSETI was viewed live by 250,000 in spite of attempts to jam it, and no pre-publicity.
I'm sending out computer CD's with all the information CSETI put out plus the full audio of that press conference plus the personal experiences of Prof. John Salter and his son (23) who spent over an hour with a group of ET's. I've talked with Prof. Salter many times.
There is no charge for the CD. I can send it to you free and you can send a donation after you get it. We don't worry about the money. Just email a postal address with the Subject: ART CD and you will get it by air (with instructions).
It's now time to smash the barriers that are preventing us from knowing about free energy and really successful cultures so that this earth can become a happy, successful place for all. I'm also too old (though in excellent health) to feel threatened by any who would try to contain the truth, so I'm going all out to break through the swindles and get us a truly loving planet. That's my full time work.
We need help from networkers and PR experts or any others who can get this moving ahead fast. Many lives, including your own may depend on it !
Peace and love, Art Rosenblum, mailto:email@example.com Aquarian Research Foundation, 5620 Morton St., Philadelphia, PA 19144. Tax Exempt 501 c 3 since 1970. Phone: 215-848-2292 day/eve. Working for Interplanetary Cooperation for a positive future. Web: http://www.ic.org/aq
Listserv: mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org. Use UNsubscribe to quit.
HERE IS A BAD NEWS THAT DOESN'T BODES WELL FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR SPECIES
From: "Alberto H. F. Machado" <email@example.com>
Date: Wed, 4 Jul 2001
Sperm on the wane: Scientists from around the world are alarmed by a dramatic increase in genetically damaged human sperm
Scientists from around the world are alarmed by a dramatic increase in genetically damaged human sperm - a trend that is not only causing infertility in men, but also childhood cancers in the offspring of those who can reproduce.
It's now estimated that up to 85 per cent of the sperm produced by a healthy male is DNA-damaged, a leading authority on the subject revealed yesterday at an international conference being held in Montreal.
"That's very unusual," said John Aitken, head of biological sciences at the University of Newcastle in Australia.
"If you were to take a rat or a mouse or a rabbit, usually more than 80 per cent of their sperm would be normal."
For the last 20 years, scientists have known about declining sperm counts. But researchers are now learning that the quality of human sperm is steadily eroding, and might be causing birth defects as well as brain cancer and leukemia in children.
Abnormal sperm is also being blamed for a global increase in testicular cancer - a disease that strikes men in their 30s. Scientists believe that when a DNA-damaged sperm fertilizes a woman's egg, it can trigger a mutation of a key gene in the embryo.
And even if men today can reproduce, their damaged sperm might lead to infertility in their male progeny, Aitken suggested. "You're likely to see lots of diseases that are related to poorer semen quality."
Scientists suspect a wide range of environmental causes for the abnormal sperm - from exposure to pesticides and heavy metals to electromagnetic radiation.
"We're all exposed to 10 times more electromagnetic radiation than our forefathers," Aitken said. "It's all the electrical appliances we use, including microwave phones."
There is a consensus in the scientific community that men who smoke cause damage to their sperm, and that this might be responsible for childhood cancers. "If you are a man and you smoke, your semen profile won't be obviously affected," Aitken said. "You'll still have lots of sperm swimming around and you'll be fertile. But the DNA in your sperm nucleus will be fragmented."
The average ejaculate of human sperm contains 80 million spermatazoa, each genetically programmed to fertilize a woman's egg. Scientists examining human sperm have discovered that not only are sperm counts on the decline, but that the vast majority of sperm is sluggish, poorly structured, their DNA fragmented and that they generate a lot of cellular waste called free radicals.
"Generally speaking, everything is bad with the sperm," Aitken said.
Fortunately for most couples, it's the undamaged or least damaged sperm that tends to fertilize the egg.
As a result of increasing male infertility, scientists have developed a new technique to help couples conceive. It's called Intra-Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI). In the lab, a technologist will take from the would-be father a single sperm, or even a cell that is on its way to becoming a sperm, and fertilize it in the test tube with the woman's egg. The resulting embryo is then transferred to the woman's uterus.
Dr. Keith Jarvi, of the University of Toronto-Mount Sinai Hospital, said the ICSI technique has revolutionized the treatment of male infertility. But he wondered about the health outcomes of the ICSI children.
That human sperm is of poorer quality than that of other mammals is not surprising. The human species is the only one that wears clothes, and healthy sperm need to be kept a couple of degrees cooler than the full body temperature. But clothing alone is not responsible for the extent of abnormal human sperm, Aitken argued.
More than 130 scientists are attending the Conference on Male-Mediated Developmental Toxicity. It continues today.
YET ANOTHER FRANKENEWS...
Date: Wed, 04 Jul 2001
From: Mark Graffis <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: CBC News: Monsanto's GM canola has become an out of control weed
WebPosted Fri Jun 22
WINNIPEG - Western farmers are struggling with a new pest in their fields - a crop that was supposed to make their lives easier.
Genetically modified (GM) canola is appearing in farmers' fields where it wasn't planted, and because the plant has been engineered to resist conventional herbicides, it's tough to kill. Agricultural scientists suspect that the plants spread through cattle manure. The seeds travel through an animal's digestive tract and are deposited on the soil, where they germinate. "The GM canola has, in fact, spread much more rapidly than we thought it would," said Martin Entz, a plant scientist at the University of Manitoba. "It's absolutely impossible to control." Ottawa approved GM canola in 1996, and at the time it did consider the possibility that it could become a weed. The Canadian Food Inspection Agency describes the current problem as "a nuisance" and has advised farmers to "use another chemical." But the alternative chemicals can kill farmers' intended crops, and in some cases, the GM canola appears to be resistant to the other chemicals.
Monsanto, which created on of the GM canola strains, says that if farmers' call the company, they'll send out a team to manually pull up the weeds. But Martin Phillipson, a University of Saskatchewan law professor, said that Monsanto may be liable for damages if their GM canola continues to spread.
Written by CBC News Online staff
THIS DEFINITELY NEWS BODES ILL - TO SAY THE LEAST! - FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR SPECIES...
Date: Mon, 09 Jul 2001
Subject: US may resume nuclear weapons tests
The Guardian - Special report: George Bush's America
- Julian Borger in Washington Monday July 9, 2001 The Bush administration has commissioned a study on how quickly nuclear test sites in the Nevada desert could be put back into action, as part of a broad strategy of freeing the US from the constraints of the nuclear test moratorium and the 1996 comprehensive test ban treaty.
A readiness review of the Nevada test site has been ordered by General John Gordon, the head of the national nuclear security administration (NNSA), who told a congressional committee: "During this year we will look hard again at improving test site readiness and will review whether an appropriate level of resources is being applied to this vital element of stockpile stewardship."
The US signed the comprehensive test ban treaty (CTBT) five years ago, but in 1999 the Senate - then under Republican control - voted not to ratify it. Meanwhile, the US is abiding by a nine-year-old moratorium on nuclear tests.
The new administration is reviewing both the treaty and the moratorium, in the belief that they represent an obstacle to maintaining the efficacy and safety of the US nuclear stockpile, and that they are fundamentally unverifiable.
Pentagon officials are also examining the potential of a new range of low-yield "bunker-busting" nuclear weapons, which would require testing to develop, they say.
Asked in a recent interview whether the US would break the moratorium, the deputy defence secretary, Paul Wolfowitz said: "Well, there may be circumstances where, particularly if we develop questions about the reliability or safety of our nuclear weapons, where you would have to contemplate doing that."
US nuclear experts believe that it would take up to three years to get the Nevada underground test site ready, from the moment a presidential decision was taken. A congressional commission said earlier this year that it wanted to cut that time to three to four months.
The White House has also been investigating ways of extracting the test ban treaty from the Senate so that the administration could formally withdraw from it, but has been told by lawyers that there are no legal means of doing so.
However, although the Democrats now have a majority in the Senate, they concede they do not have the two-thirds majority necessary to ratify the CTBT and force the president's hand.
Therefore the treaty is in limbo and administration officials have said that that is where the White House is content to leave it. "We don't support CTBT and we don't support its ratification," one official told the French Press Agency yesterday. "The key is to have an effective counter-proliferation programme. In our view, CTBT is not an effective anti-proliferation regime."
The Bush administration's strategy now is to persuade its European allies to place less weight on the CTBT, portraying it as a cumbersome leftover from the cold war - the same line as Washington is taking with the 1972 anti-ballistic missile treaty.
To that end, the US is trying to remove discussion of the CTBT from the agenda of the G8 summit in Genoa later this month, and to scrub any mention of it from the summit's final communique.
Meanwhile, news that the administration is taking the first steps necessary for a resumption of nuclear tests in Nevada has alarmed local activists. Preston Truman, the director of one group, the Downwinders organisation, said: "The Bush administration has been undermining the ABM treaty, and the outer space treaty; now this signal that they may resume below-ground testing also leads to an ominous conclusion - that the US is preparing to unilaterally jettison an arms control regime fostered by every president since Eisenhower."
HERE IS A POSITIVE, CONSTRUCTIVE MEANS TO COUNTERACT THE BUSH PRO-NUCLEAR ARMS RACE STANCE
Date: Tue, 3 Jul 2001
Subject: Department of Peace Act to be Introduced Next Month
Bay Area Group Promoting US Department of Peace Benefit to be Held at Ashkenaz in Berkeley
For Immediate release July 1, 2001
Musicians and Fine Artists for World Peace presented its first concert and gala fundraiser on June 29, 2001 at 8 PM at Ashkenaz in Berkeley in support of a US Department of Peace.
The event featured Reggae artist Obeyjah with Sacred Journey, Divaband's Fontain's M.U.S.E., Jana Herzen and Thatcrazychick Pi. Other performers include Majinga the Magician, Lunatique-Tribal Belly Dancers, Cyoakha of Land of the Blind, Zaphyre, Akasa and Ashera Hart of EarthDance.
In the midst of recent news accounts concerning the fear that President George W. Bush's proposal for a missile defense system will cause a new arms race, plans for a cabinet-level US Department of Peace will be a breath of fresh air and hope for peace loving people everywhere.
According to Alan Moore, the group's Bay area director, "Congressman Dennis J. Kucinich has endorsed our plans to produce concerts and events in support of this effort. The Department of Peace Act, will be introduced in the House of Representatives in the month of July 2001. Musicians and Fine Artists for World Peace has the potential to be an extremely vibrant advocate for World Change."
Bay area activists, producers, dancers, musicians, and artists have been coming together to promote not only peace, but a cultural and musical renaissance reminiscent of what happened here in the sixties with the Be-Ins and Summer of Love. Bay area venues that have joined in this effort include Palookaville in Santa Cruz, Ashkenaz in Berkeley, Maritime Hall, Paradise Lounge, Anon Salon, Ambient Groove Temple and Earthdance International in San Francisco, New George's in San Rafael, the Groove Garden in Fairfax, the Phoenix Theater in Petaluma, and Club Fab in Guerneville.
In addition to the group's interest in world peace and the environment, they also plan to work on campaign and election reform, the abolition or reform of the Electoral College, supporting a cabinet-level Department of Peace, reforming the criminal justice system and the three strikes law, making the office of public defender an elected position, corporate responsibility, supporting and developing sustainable communities, helping indigenous causes, increasing funding for art and music, and making life easier for artists and musicians who are an important ingredient to transforming and improving our lives. We will also be working in collaboration with Project Chrysalis.
Congressman Dennis Kucinich (D-Ohio) believes that a new, broad-based approach to peaceful, nonviolent conflict resolution at both domestic and international levels is needed.
The time has come to review age-old challenges with new thinking Kucinich said. "I am introducing this conceptual framework with the hopes that a Department of Peace can eventually emerge holding peace as an organizing principle in government while coordinating service to every level of American society.
The Department of Peace would be responsible for a wide range of activities which involve promoting and facilitating peaceful, nonviolent conflict resolution. Domestically, the Department of Peace would be charged with developing policies which address issues such as domestic violence, spousal abuse, child abuse and mistreatment of the elderly. The Department would also have an international mandate by analyzing foreign policy and making recommendations to the President on matters pertaining to national security, including the protection of human rights and the prevention and de-escalation of unarmed and armed international conflict.
Alan D. Moore
Musicians and Fine Artists for World Peace/Director Butterfly Gardeners Association
& Project Chrysalis/Director
1563 Solano Ave.
477, Berkeley, CA 94707
510-528-7730 Email: email@example.com
Please read the following letter from Congressman Kucinich supporting our work.
Congress of the United States House of Representatives
June 4, 2001
Dear Mr. Moore:
I am writing to support the efforts of Musicians and Fine Artists for World Peace to create a more peaceful world. I am especially appreciative of your interest in discussing my proposal for the establishment of a Cabinet-level Department of Peace. Please feel free to contact me with any suggestions or comments from group members.
I am pleased to learn that people are working hard to promote nonviolence. I am aware that you have the skill, the experience and the commitment to work towards improving the human condition. I believe that working cooperatively as a community of peace-seekers we can look forward to developing creative and innovative ways to increase the impact of peace building at all levels of society, nationally and internationally In the finest example of Mahatma Ghandi and Martin Luther King Jr., we can learn to confront our enemies with ahimsa, unconditional love. We can make a difference, of this I am sure!
Based on these beliefs, I have called for the establishment of a Cabinet-level Department of Peace, which shall maintain nonviolence as an organizing principle. Working at both national and international levels, it will resolve conflict in any form with a peaceful, nonviolent philosophy. It will be orientated toward the development of human potential, and will endeavor to promote justice and democratic principles to expand universal human rights.
Domestically, it will analyze present policies. The Department will expand successful existing programs and develop new approaches to deal with the implements of violence.
The Department of Peace shall be empowered domestically to address all forms of violence within our communities. It will advocate on behalf of women victimized by violence, as well as address the problems of domestic violence, spousal abuse, child abuse, and mistreatment of the elderly. In collaboration with community and neighborhood organizations, including the schools in our communities, the Department of Peace shall assist in the establishment of community based violence prevention programs. It shall endeavor to create new policies which are responsive to the challenges of drug and alcohol abuse, and of crime.
The escalation of hate crimes in our society is undeniable. The reports of racial and ethnic violence, violence against gays and lesbians, and religiously motivated crimes are consistently increasing. I believe that working together we can create hate-free communities. The Department of Peace will provide for counseling strategies concerning hate crimes.
We must call upon America's youth for the purpose of creative peacemaking. The critical thinking capabilities of grade school, high school and college students can result in proactive solutions to the overwhelming presence of violence in our schools, including the presence of handguns, gang related violence, racial or ethnic violence and police-community relations disputes.
You may also be interested to know that the Peace Day I introduced passed Congress, making January 1, 2001 a day of peace and sharing. The resolution was introduced in the Senate by Senator Wellstone. The resolution expresses the sense of Congress that a day of peace and sharing should be established at the beginning of each year and that:
(1) each year should begin with a day of peace and sharing during which;
(A) people around the world should gather with family, friends, neighbors, their faith community, or people of another culture to pledge nonviolence in the new year and to share in a celebratory new year meal, and
(B) Americans who are able should match or multiply the cost of their new year meal with a timely gift to the hungry at home or abroad in a tangible demonstration of a desire for increased friendship and sharing among people around the world, and
(2) the President should issue a proclamation each year calling on the people of the United States and interested organizations to observe such a day with appropriate programs and activities.
Peace is an achievable goal! Let us continue to work together to initiate a dialogue on creating a culture of peace.
Member of Congress
Please go to http://www.house.gov/kucinich/action/peace.htm for more information on the Department of Peace.
From: Pam Perry <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: PEACE CONCERTS IN MANCHESTER & JERUSALEM
Date: Mon, 09 Jul 2001
PLEASE JOIN WITH US IN PERSON OR IN SPIRIT AT OUR PEACE CONCERTS.
MANCHESTER CATHEDRAL 4pm SUNDAY JULY 15TH
Recent race riots in Greater Manchester, Burnley and Bradford have appalled and saddened many of us here in England. This timely convergence of international and local Peace Workers in Manchester gives the opportunity for the world to focus its loving thoughts and prayers for a greater understanding between cultures and peoples. We plan to have an audience of 1000 that will create a magnificent choir to sing for peace.
Performers include JAMES TWYMAN, CAROLE ISIS, JAXON & MARIE WU
There will be Taize chants, The World Peace Flame and a Peace Pole brought to Manchester by Barbara Wolf and Hideo Nakazawa and gifted toManchester's Peace Garden.
Tickets are available in advance or at the door (44 (0) 1458 830121)
Manchester Cathedral is a magnificent setting for the beautiful words and music of peace that will be sung by the dedicated peace workers & musicians who have come together for this fund-raising event. None of the organisers or performers are receiving payment for their work.
JERUSALEM 10am (GMT 8am) NOVEMBER 4 2001
Creative Health Network is presenting its 5th Healing Summit
October 29th - November 4th in Jerusalem (the week before the International Light Summit 2001)
On the morning of Sunday November 4th there will be a Peace Concert with Carole Isis and many other wonderful musicians
"We invite all peoples of the Holy Land and from all Nations to converge in this special city, which is home to 3 great Faiths. Gather as peers to share and celebrate our diversity and oneness, to help bring forth the Heavenly Light of Jerusalem and draw down celestial blessings for the whole world."
CREATIVE HEALTH NETWORK BELIEVES THAT IT IS IMPORTANT TO PROMOTE MULTI-FAITH EVENTS IN THE CLIMATE OF CONFLICT THAT EXISTS BOTH LOCALLY AND INTERNATIONALLY.
WE NEED TO ACT TOGETHER OVER COMMON CONCERNS.
For further information about either event email email@example.com or phone Creative Health Network 44 (0) 1458 830121
Creative Health Network is a non-profit organisation Linking Humanitarians to Create Global Community
Subject: Persecutions In China: Support Falun Gong
Date: Sun, 8 Jul 2001
From: Larry Morningstar <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Persecutions In China: Support Falun Gong
On July 20, 1999, Chinese President Jiang Zemin formally withdrew support for Falun Gong and made practicing illegal in China. Since then, he has single handedly directed nationwide persecution of Falun Gong practitioners. According to world media and human rights groups, over 100 practitioners are confirmed to have been killed as a result of torture in police custody; more than 650 healthy people have been forced into psychiatric hospitals; and over 500 practitioners have been unjustly tried and sentenced to as many as 18 years of prison. At least 10,000 practitioners have been sent to labor camps. In total, more than 50,000 have been arrested and detained.
What is Falun Gong?
Falun Gong (also called Falun Dafa) is an ancient method of exercise, meditation and teaching from China. Falun Gong teaches universal principles of "Truthfulness, Compassion and Forbearance" and has contributed to the health and well being of over 100 million people worldwide. It was introduced to the public in 1992 by Mr. Li Hongzhi. Falun Gong has no political organization or intentions. To learn more about the practice of Falun Dafa, please check out http://www.falundafa.org
For more information and to sign a web based petition to support Falun Dafa, go to:
From: "John Cox" <John.Cox1@tesco.net>
Date: Tue, 3 Jul 2001
Fear of flying?
A plane was taking off from Kennedy. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight number 293, non-stop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth flight, Now sit back and relax. - OH MY!" Silence....
Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said: "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking the flight attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!"
A passenger in Coach said: "That's nothing. He should see the back of mine!"
Bribing the Judge
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably.
"You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning the extra $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits.
Inspirational Posters for Real Life
1. Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings . . . they did it by killing all those who opposed them.
2. If you can stay calm, while all around you is chaos . . . then you probably haven't completely understood the seriousness of the situation.
3. Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job WRONG fourteen times gives you job security.
4. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
5. Artificial Intelligence is no match for Natural Stupidity.
6. A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
7. Plagiarism saves time.
8. If at first you don't succeed, try management.
9. Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
10. TEAMWORK... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
11. The beatings will continue until morale improves.
12. Never underestimate the power of very stupid people in large groups.
13. We waste time, so you don't have to.
14. Hang in there, retirement is only thirty years away!
15. Go the extra mile. It makes your boss look like an incompetent slacker.
16. A snooze button is a poor substitute for no alarm clock at all.
17. When the going gets tough, the tough take a coffee break.
18. INDECISION is the key to FLEXIBILITY.
19. Succeed in spite of management.
20. Aim Low, Reach Your Goals, Avoid Disappointment.
From: "Boudewijn Wegerif" <email@example.com>
Subject: Odd news, for a laugh
Date: Tue, 3 Jul 2001
With thanks to robert rodvik, firstname.lastname@example.org
1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP?
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. " He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up".
3. WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
4. THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
5. DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a line-up. When detectives asked each man in the line-up to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"
6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
7. NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
8. THE GRAND FINALE
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong.
A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water,he was laughing so hard. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
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