November 27, 2000
Subject: Miscellaneous Subjects #45: Some Feedbacks + New Chemtrails theory just might make you sick + Multinational offensive against Taliban likely + Can Life Survive Earth's Depleted Ozone Layer? + Eco Echoes: Mining the Everglades Fringe + Why fight for oil in the MidEast if there is an alternative? + Votomatic Inventor Says Indented Ballots Should Be Included + A Giggle a day...for two months!
I'd like to say briefly before you start reading this compilation that I'm very much aware that a fairly large proportion of what is included in these compilations is about stuff most people would prefer simply not knowing about. Being at the receiving end of all kinds of emails dealing with so-called "negative" info, I'm always striving to find a kernel of hope and options for positive actions amidst it all while trying not to shy away from looking at what is really going on. See my reply to the 1st feedback below for more on this.
There is always hope at the end of the "tunnel"...
Earth Rainbow Network Coordinator
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2000
~~~~ J E A N ~~~~~
Yes, your email touched on the very issue I was writing about. There is so much urgency in your emails, so many fires to put out, and sometimes a sense of a deluge of information that I, as one artist, cannot deal with it....it's simply TOO much. With all the urgency there is also a small sense of self-importance, and what I would call a tendency towards a lack of HUMOR.
I mean, Jean, if we become as deadly serious as all the problems we as supposed visionaries are seeking to change and vibrationally correct, then who in the heck are we, anyway?
Love, and please -- less constant reminders of unrelentless crisis,
Cellist, Photographer and poet
AND MY REPLY WAS:
Thanks for your comment about this lack of light and humorous subjects in my compilations.
I cannot agree more with you as delving so much on negative news may sometimes be taking a toll on our joie de vivre. I'm also an artist - I've been a musician and composer (lyrics and music) in a progressive rock band when I was younger and I can certainly empathize with your sense of overwhelm and powerlessness when confronted with so much hard-to-deal-with information. Interestingly, I had received the following compilation of humorous jokes below which is included in the next compilation (see at the end) as I do from time to time *when I get such jokes* from those who send me material.
I wish I could be able to report *only* good news and inspirational material and could selectively tune out much of the bad news about what's wrong in our world as some people do when they feel unable to cope with such stuff. But that would be a form of escapism and would not serve any useful purpose with regard to stimulating interest and possible actions towards solving some of those "problems" - all it would do would be perhaps to create a feel-good sense of buoyancy and aloofness, disconnected from the harsh "realities" of this world we live in, and there are already *plenty* of other ways to do just that and not enough - in my view - sources of unfiltered information about the real issues that matters, something which I believe this service provides in good measures thanks mainly to this worldwide network of people who are kind enough to provide me/us with all those information, in addition to all the resources that can be found on the web.
But on the other hand, I want to add that it is essential in my view to also remain balanced and not spend all our waking moments anxiously thinking about the galaxy of crises and problems we are collectively faced with. Going outside as often as possible and engaging in outdoor activities to reconnect - or remain connected - with the infinitely vast and marvelous Web of Life of which we are a part is essential to me to keep in close touch with the "true" reality (or at least another essential aspect of it) - which is why I love kayaking in summer, swimming and hiking, as well as countryskying in winter, for instance, not to mention playing with my young daughter and attending to her needs and spending time occasionally with good friends. Growing my yearly supply of organic vegetables here is also a vital way to remain centered - and well fed! Cutting, hauling and chopping my wood to heat the house in wintertime and any other kind of intense physical activity are also excellent ways to find some meaningful balance with intellectual pursuits. Listening to good music or watching good entertainment or educational programs on TV are also other ways for me to enjoy life and some of the multiformous kinds of activities available today to those fortunate enough to live in a peaceful area of the world.
Love and blessing to you
SHAUN ALSO ASKED ME:
P.S. Does the Earth Rainbow group meet in a regular city? (Or is it primarily in cyberspace?)
Now it is only cyberspace but we had a founding meeting in Santa Barbara, California in December 97
You may read the previous introductory information given about the Millennium Gathering project (from which all I currently do originated) and the ERN website as well as the results from the first international meeting of the Earth Rainbow Network by going at:
You will also see some pictures from this meeting there.
I ALSO RECOMMENDED HIM TO VIEW SOME PICTURES OF NATURE I TOOK WHILE KAYAKING AT
YOU WILL LOVE THEM TOO!
Date: Thu, 23 Nov 2000
Subject: Re: Medical Files #1
From: "Nita noor" <email@example.com>
Dearest Jean, thanks and thanks of being you.
You helped me a lot with this Medical Files.
So far I've been compiling (and translate them if necessary into my
language) this kind of news before I send them to my circle of friends (most
of them are mothers/single mothers). I know it's always good to have someone
to compile this kind of news for friends, instead of having to do it them by
I'm glad that you did this Med. Files for my friends here. I will forward
your address to them, so they can just subscribe it directly.
And also, please put sraosha on your GMO list as well. I suppose whatever
issue that you are focusing, just put sraosha on the list. I've been in
your mailing list for quiet a while, and I do appreciate all your work,
Jean. As an observer (or a passive appreciator), is there anything I can be
of your assistance from this tiny island of Bali ?
AND MY REPLY WAS:
Thanks Nita. By passing on to others these compilations, you are already helping a lot as this ability to network quickly info the Internet gives us is one of its greatest strengths, although we can also quickly drown into a big info glut -- which has been and will always remain one of my greatest challenges here at the receiving end of so much material people send to me... I know I've been contributing quite a bit myself to this info glut and I just hope some of what I circulate is being useful enough to others and help us all in making sense of what is really going on in this world. CLIP
Note from Jean: I received the following letter from Dave Rietz, a long time partner of Betty Martini of Mission Possible Intl, and webmaster of the www.dorway.com website on the aspartame worldwide plague. Together these 2 US citizens have dedicated thousands of hours as volunteers to warn others about the proven risks of consuming aspartame-laced foods and drinks. Sadly, Dave's health is now declining as a result of taking aspartame over a long period of time. I'm sharing with you - with his permission - the following personal email he sent me 2 days ago.
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2000
From: "Dave Rietz (DORway.com)" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Thanks and more
After five years on Combinational Hormone Therapy (CHT) for my prostate
cancer, then two years off... I was, at 63, was sad to learn that the
expensive treatments (grand a month) did not eradicate the disease. So...
I am back on CHT until I go on Medicare... when they will probably refuse
it as too expensive. You may know that I blame 15 years of Equal in my
coffee for making me the first in my family to acquire any form of
cancer... and a lifetime of SAD diet cows milk and dairy consumption with
making it grow so fast it had already spread by the young age of 55.
Between that, less than great eyesight, maddening tinnitus that trashes
my concentration... I feel I must devote more time to my long suffering
wife of 39 years... before eventualities.
What happened to me should not happen to anyone because of corporate
greed in selling toxins for fun and huge profits... so I do what I can to
keep others from meeting the same unnecessary fate.
Your help towards spreading the truth has been exceptional... and,
again, I thank you for your involvement. We ARE making a very significant
difference as noted by the dumping of the Nutrasweet Co. on investment
firm in March... and milk prices falling below parity for the first time ever.
If you are interested... http://www.dorway.com/brody.html is the
"before" (honest) and after (industry lacky) Jane Brody stance on aspartame
(she works for New York Times, has breast cancer, and still promotes MILK
and dairy, too. Talk about loyalty to the "green stuff"!).
THIS IS THE MOST PLAUSIBLE EXPLANATION I'VE SEEN ON THE MOTIVES BEHIND THIS MYSTERIOUS AND SECRET "CHEMTRAIL" AERIAL SPRAYING PROGRAM. IT WILL OPEN YOUR EYES VERY WIDE INDEED IF YOU SUFFER FROM THE SO-CALLED CHRONIQUE FATIGUE SYNDROME. AND IT WILL MAKE YOUR BLOOD BOIL...
Subj: FWD New chemtrails theory just might make you sick
From: email@example.com (Tim Edwards)
New chemtrails theory just might make you sick
By Jim Marrs
A report from a Canadian research foundation concluded that the much
discussed, but little publicized Chemtrails, may be an attempt to hide a
sickening military secret.
Professor Donald Scott, president of the Common Cause Medical Research
Foundation, claimed that Chemtrails are a belated attempt by U.S.
military and intelligence chieftains to stop the spread of a
debilitating disease first concocted in the early 1980s.
According to Scott's account, the military began developing diseases in
the 1970s which were infectious but not contagious. In other words, an
ailment which could be spread to enemy troops but would not pass into
One such disease was based on a zoonosis, a disease which can be
transmitted to humans by animals, in this case brucellosis. Brucellosis
is a bacterial disease usually found in cattle, which can cause undulant
fever in humans.
By manipulating this disease, researchers were able to design a
disabling bacteria which disappeared following infection. Troops could
be infected yet exhibit no signs of the bacteria when examined by a
In the early 1980s, secret government labs worked to produce a
brucellosis pathogen which could disable enemy troops without the risk
of infecting friendly forces. This pathogen reportedly was based on
brucellosis bacteria in a crystalline form first developed by
researchers in 1945.
According to Scott's report, such a bacteria was tested during the
summer of 1984 at Tahoe-Truckee High School in California, where
individual rooms were fitted with an independent recycling air supply. A
teacher's lounge was designated as the infection target. Seven of eight
teachers assigned to this room became very ill within months.
The high school was only one of several locations where the specially
designed pathogens were tested, some distributed by aerosol sprays and
others by the use contaminated mosquitoes.
Scott reported that one hundred million mosquitoes a month were bred at
the Dominion Parasite Laboratory in Belleville, Ontario, during the
1980s, then tested by both Canadian and U.S. military authorities after
being infected with brucellosis.
Some observers believe the viral epidemic reported around New York City
in recent years may have been the result of these infected mosquitoes.
The testing of unsuspecting victims was conducted by both the military
and CIA, according to Scott, and monitored by the National Institutes of
Health as well as the Center for Disease Control.
Encouraged by what they felt was a successful test, military leaders
reportedly passed the brucellosis bio agent to none other than Saddam
Hussein, who in the mid-1980s was fighting a protracted war against Iran
at the behest of the CIA.
In 1986, with the approval of Vice-President George Bush, Saddam
received shipments of both brucella abortus, biotypes 3 and 9, and
brucella melitensis, biotypes 1 and 3.
After Saddam obtained a stockpile of the brucellosis, a terrible
discovery was made - these designer bacteria mutated and became
According to Scott's report, Saddam used this pathogen on American
troops during the Persian Gulf War in 1991, resulting in the illness
referred to as Gulf War Syndrome. More than 100,000 Gulf War vets now
suffer from this syndrome, which causes chronic fatigue, loss of
appetite, profuse sweating even at rest, joint and muscle pain,
insomnia, nausea, and damage to major organs.
Much of this information may be found in a 1994 report by Senator Donald
W. Riegle, Jr., titled, "U.S. Chemical and Biological Warfare-related
Dual Use Exports to Iraq and Their Possible Impact on the Health
Consequences of the Persian Gulf War."
Troops initially were told that no such infection existed and that the
problem was mostly in their mind. Slowly, over the years, authorities
were forced to admit that something had triggered severe illness in many
Gulf War veterans.
By then, a variant of the brucellosis had spread to the civilian
population. Many people began suffering from general debilitation and
When it became know that the contagion was spreading into the general
population, top officials with the National Institutes of Health and
Center for Disease Control, as well as the Defense Department and the
Department of Health and Human Resources began a program of
misrepresentation of the disease to mask their role in its origin. The
illness was claimed to be connected to the Epstein-Barr virus and was
labeled "Chronic Mononucleosis."
This has now become known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Like the veterans
before them, victims of this ailment were told it was merely a
One victim, Dr. Martin Lerner of William Beaumont Hospital in Royal Oak,
MI, told his peers in the American Society of Microbiology that his bout
with this mysterious disease left his heart damaged. Dr. Lerner and
others suspected that Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is caused by viral
Top-level officials, concerned both with the spread of the contagion and
with the risk that their role in its origin would become publicly known,
moved to counteract the pathogen. This program may explain the
mysterious Chemtrails which have been noted over major population
centers during the past couple of years.
As explained by Scott, "We have learned . . . that a patent was issued
in 1996 for an aerosol vaccination process which would permit the
vaccination of wildlife and domestic herds by spraying them or their
disease vectors (birds) from the air. . . .
"We have noted that many of the sightings of Chemtrails are over
migratory bird flight paths. We are currently preparing a report on this
subject for release in January 2001.
"The Chemtrails program may well be a belated effort by the U.S. and
Canadian governments to get the brucellosis genie back in its bottle."
To learn more about who may be behind nefarious activities such as
Chemtrails, read Rule by Secrecy: The Hidden History That Connects The
Trilateral Commission, The Freemasons and The Great Pyramid by Jim
Marrs, now available from finer bookstores everywhere and from
http://www.JimMarrs.com - Read Alien Agenda by Jim Marrs, for an in-depth look at
UFOs, available at this Web site. Also Jim Marrs' book on the U. S.
Army's remote viewing program, Psi Spies, which was suppressed in 1995,
is now available online right here at AlienZoo. Order yours today.
NOTE FROM JEAN: If you are hearing for the first time about the Chemtrails issue and would like to find out more about this. I suggest you go check what is already archived on this topic on the Earth Rainbow Network website at http://www.cybernaute.com/earthconcert2000 by simply using the search engine that is available (near the top of the page) specifically for the 340+ documents posted there. You need to type in "Chemtrails" and "Contrails" to find what you look for. And anytime you want to find what is relevant to a subject of interest to you in these extensive archives (nearly 4000 pages on all kinds of subjects), remember that this very efficient search engine is there just for that purpose.
A friend pointed this out to me
Multinational offensive against Taliban likely
NEW DELHI: With fighters of Ahmed Shah Masoud in the vanguard, a
multinational counter-offensive is likely to be launched against Taliban
troops in northern Afghanistan. The likely date is Saturday, diplomatic
sources said on Thursday.
The concerted operation is planned by the US, Russia, Iran and
Afghanistan's Central Asian neighbours, notably Tajikistan and
Uzbekistan. It may include the use of helicopter gunships to cut off the
Taliban's supply lines.
While Pakistani newspapers on Thursday carried reports suggesting a
role for India, including the logistic support from its air bases, sources in
the government were tight-lipped.
However, they indicated that the action might have been been prompted
by apprehensions that the Taliban offensive against Masoud's forces
may spill over to Tajikistan and Uzbekistan.
The US is so far believed not to be ready to get directly involved. It may
leave it to Russia and the Central Asians. Yet, a direct US role is not
being totally ruled out in the context of its resolve to get Osama bin
Laden. In a report from Washington in Pakistani daily The Nation,
journalist and Afghanistan watcher Ahmed Rashid said US action was
"imminent", since the Clinton administration now believes that Laden or
his men were involved in last month's attack on USS Cole.
Rashid has said that unlike in 1998 when US ships in the Gulf fired
missiles in a one-day action against Laden's hideouts, the US would
coordinate action possibly using air bases in Tashkent and Tirmiz in
Uzbekistan. The Taliban has amassed troops along the border close to
Tirmiz. American officials told Rashid that the operations this time may
go on for several days.
There has been a flurry of diplomatic activity in several world capitals.
Pakistan, the Taliban's principal supporter, is being advised by other
Islamic nations to avoid a confrontation. Sources in New Delhi said
Pakistan may be forced to review its operations in northern Afghanistan,
where its military officers are allegedly involved.
Detailed discussions have taken place between the US and Russia,
Russia and China and earlier this week, between Russia and India. At a
recent secret meeting in Frankfurt, the Americans issued their last
warning to the Taliban.
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2000
From: "Jackie Alan Giuliano" <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Can Life Survive Earth's Depleted Ozone Layer?
On the Earth's surface, ozone is a dangerous air pollutant, yet in the
stratosphere, it makes life possible by blocking 99% of the harmful UV
from the Sun. Without the Ozone Layer, life as we know it would not be
possible anywhere on the surface of the Earth.
And we influence the atmosphere on a grand scale every day. Each day on
Earth, over 1,800 tons of chloroflorocarbons (CFC) are released to the
atmosphere. These ozone destroying chemicals come from leaking car and
home air conditioners, leaking refrigerators, and many industries that
use them as a blowing agent such as the styrofoam products industry.
Learn about our Ozone Layer and what you can do to help in this week's
Healing Our World commentary on the Environment News Service, hosted on
the LYCOS Network. You can see the article entitlted "Can Life Survive
Earth's Depleted Ozone Layer?" at
Regulatory action is slow, but unless we want our children to fear the
Sun, something better be done now.
I wish you peace during this time of giving thanks for the richness of
Jackie Alan Giuliano, Ph.D.
Date: Wed, 22 Nov 2000
From: Larry Morningstar <email@example.com>
Subject: Eco Echoes: Mining the Everglades Fringe?... and more
Mining the Everglades Fringe?
Miami Herald - Sunday, November 19, 2000
Environmentalists may sue Army engineers over Glades mining plan
MIAMI -- (AP) -- The Sierra Club and other environmental groups have filed
notice they may sue the Army Corps of Engineers over a 50-year plan to
convert 15,000 acres of wetlands near the Everglades into mining pits.
Joining the Sierra Club in the potential lawsuit are the Natural Resources
Defense Council and the Friends of the Everglades. The groups will file
the lawsuit if the Corps gives long-term permits to lime rock companies that
plan to blow 80-foot holes in wetlands in west Miami-Dade County and turn
them into football-field sized quarries.
The EnviroLink News Service
Project of the EnviroLink Network
November 17, 2000
All stories on the web at:
2A) Inuit: Climate Change Is In The Air -- While governments and scientists
still debate climate change, Inuit tribal members on Banks Island in the
far northern Canadian Arctic are already convinced the world is getting
warmer. (Chicago Tribune)
2B) Fluorescent fish offer sea change in pollution testing -- Scientists in
Singapore are using gene technology to develop a rainbow range of
fluorescent fish that could eventually be used to detect water-borne
pollution. (Financial Times)
2C) Environmentalists say dolphins threatened by oil spill -- An oil spill
from a tanker collision earlier this week could further threaten a highly
endangered species of dolphins in Hong Kong, environmentalists said
Friday. (Associated Press)
2D) EU blasts U.S. climate plan as ``free gift'' -- The European Union
publicly rejected a controversial U.S. plan on global warming gases on
Thursday, dismissing the proposal as a ``free gift'' to the world's
largest polluter. (Reuters)
2E) Mechanics at risk from asbestos in brakes -- Millions of brakes used in
cars and trucks contain cancer-causing asbestos that puts thousands of
mechanics at risk of disease, the Seattle Post-Intelligencer newspaper
said on Thursday. (Reuters)
2F) McDonald's asks suppliers to stop using GM feeds -- The British arm of
McDonald's Corp., the world's numner one restaurant group, said on
Thursday it had asked its suppliers to find sources of animal feed that
did not contain genetically modified products. (Reuters)
2G) Virginia Power agrees to cut plant emissions -- Virginia Electric Power
Company will spend a record $1.2 billion over 12 years in a deal with the
federal government and New York state to clean-up eight coal-fired power
plants whose emissions are blamed for causing acid rain and smog in the
Northeast, the Environmental Protection Agency said Thursday. (Reuters)
2H) Japan whaling fleet sets sail for Antarctica hunt -- A fleet of Japanese
research whaling ships set sail for Antarctica on Friday, barely a day
after U.S. President Bill Clinton urged Japan to curb its controversial
programme to catch hundreds of the huge mammals. (Reuters)
2I) Clinton's tiger goes missing at Indian nature park -- One of the wild
Bengal tigers which came face-to-face with U.S. President Bill Clinton in
March has gone missing from India's Ranthambore National Park (Reuters)
All stories on the web at: http://www.envirolink.org/environews
Eco Echoes eMail List
News and Stories related to planetary health
and dis-ease, to alternative energy, alternative
thinking, and Gaia Consciousness.
Not your run of the mill stuff.
Low Volume: usually once a week or less.
To subscribe to this list:
just send a message with the words:
"subscribe: Eco Echoes eMail List"
Date: Sat, 25 Nov 2000
From: Mark Graffis <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Subject: Why fight for oil in the MidEast if there is an alternative?
I don't know the title or author of this, just the source URL below. Copied
the text from a BBS in Yahoo:
If there are 209 Million cars in America and we consume 29 Million bbls of
oil per day, the question is, "How do we bring down our consumption so as
to reduce the risk of being forced into another MidEast War?" For every 3
mpg that we raise the average fuel efficiency of today's car fleet, we
save a million bbls per day in the consumption of oil. Do the
math....imagine if we raised the average mpg from less than 20 to over 40?
Sure we can send troops to the MidEast to preserve our National Interest
in securing a source of oil, but how intelligent is that as a foreign
policy? That is no better than the physician that punctures veins and
applies potions. The real answer is to think deeper, to eliminate the
disease before the symptoms become apparent. Why fight for oil in the
MidEast if there is an alternative? Sure we can search for more oil the
Arctic Reserve, but it is not clear that this oil will be anywhere near
sufficient to solve the problem. It will take at least 5 years to lay the
pipeline to get the oil to the market and that oil may supply 1 million
bbls/day for another 10 or 20 years, if we're lucky. Is that really
addressing the problem? 1 million bbls/day???
CLIP - If interested, check the rest at www.pei-intl.com
Date: Sun, 26 Nov 2000
From: Mark Graffis <email@example.com>
Subject: INVENTOR: DIMPLES should COUNT
From: PNEWS <firstname.lastname@example.org>
Let the Dimples Count
Votomatic Inventor Says Indented Ballots Should Be Included
Nov. 24 - Should dimpled ballots be counted?
The inventor of the Votomatic machine used in several Florida
counties to line up ballots so people can punch out their selections
The Palm Beach canvassing board, which is reviewing more than
6,000 questionable votes, says maybe.
Board Chairman Judge Charles Burton said the board would probably
not include dimples for a presidential choice if the other votes had
been clearly punched, but would include indented votes for president
if other votes on the ballot showed a voter was having difficulty
punching out the so-called chad.
William Rouverol, 83, testifying before the three-person board, said
it should take a more liberal approach, and include all dimples. He
said problems in his punch card machine may have caused dimples in the
presidential column, even though other columns worked properly and had
fully formed punches.
"I believe that, if there is no other vote for a particular
office, that whatever is discernible would indicate, even in a small
degree, an intent," Rouverol said. "That vote should be counted under
The technology being used in Florida is not new. Rouverol helped
invent the machine in 1962 when he was a professor of mechanical
engineering at the University of California at Berkeley.
Rouverol said if the backing behind the ballot is too hard "the
perforations known chad are less likely to detach from the ballot."
Article by: Democracy Will Prevail
Saturday 25 Nov 2000
SUMMARY: Please link it off your website(s) -let's get thousands of
signatures - millions if possible. . I will personally fax (or
deliver) the results to the Miami Dade canvassing board asap - which
can be reduced right down to the link of the petition, the petition
statement, and the number of signatories.
The petition title is:
10,000+ Miami/Dade voting citizens shall not be disenfranchised.
The petition URL is http://www.PetitionOnline.com/CountAll/petition.html
The petition is directed to Miami/Dade County Canvassing Board
Date: Thu, 23 Nov 2000
Subject: *-* A Giggle a day...for two months! *-*
FOR THOSE WHO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY
1. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.
2. A day without sunshine is like, night.
3. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
4. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
5. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
7. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
8. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
9. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
10. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
11. Remember half the people you know are below average.
12. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
13. Nothing is fool-proof to a talented fool.
14. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
15. He who laughs last thinks slowest.
16. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
18. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
19. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
20. I intend to live forever - so far so good.
21. Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.
22. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
23. Mind like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in most states.
24. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
25. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
26. Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
27. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.
28. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
29. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
30. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
31. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
32. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
33. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.
34. No one is listening until you make a mistake.
35. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.
36. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.
37. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.
38. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.
39. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
40. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
41. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
42. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
43. Two wrongs are only the beginning.
44. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
45. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.
46. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
47. Change is inevitable except from vending machines.
48. Get a new car for your spouse - it'll be a great trade!
49. Plan to be spontaneous - tomorrow.
50. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!
51. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.
52. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...
53. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
54. If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.
55. If you have lost something, it will be in the last place you look for it.
56. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
57. If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people get married more than once.
58. If your feet smell and your nose runs, you've been made upside-down.
59. Everything you like is bad for you in some way.
60. If a job is worth doing, then get someone in to do it properly.
61. Don't drink and drive, you might spill it.
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