June 29, 2000

Subject: Miscellaneous Subjects #10: Are you ready? + It's All About Surrender + The terrible plight of orang-utans in Indonesia + Goldman Prize: Global environmental champions honored + Oil: Real crunch will come if alternative energy sources aren't developed + Baked Beans

Hello everyone,

I'm about to go on a short trip, so there will be a lull in my emails

Enjoy!

Jean Hudon
Earth Rainbow Network Coordinator
http://www.cybernaute.com/earthconcert2000




To: Roger Miles <elohim@powerup.com.au>
From: globalvisionary@cybernaute.com (Jean Hudon)
Subject: Re: Gidday

Hi Jean,

WOW, didn't that depression thing work well - got everyone awake - congratulations - it is so interesting to watch the comments - even provides me with a source of people to contact who align to the direction of the Journal.

Just thought this might be for you - we are getting the next issue ready and quickly wanted to share the title and theme.

Recently while sitting next to an Anasazi ruin in Boynton Caynon, Sedona Aluna Joy recounted a dream to me (see Aluna's email after this!) where she saw all the "Lightworkers" sitting atop a high butte with no way down. There were so many and the crowd was expanding and more and more were being pushed to the edge. There was no one to show them the way down nor anyone stepping forward as a leader with the courage to step off the top first.

This dream resonated so much with me that I felt it must be the theme for the next issue. Maybe together we can step off in complete trust?

A little time ago one of our writers - Barbara Reen, asked of me - "ARE YOU READY?" When I attempted to answer in all honesty to answer I had to say that I was not - I was having too much fun and there things I still had to do! I was/am so attached to "being in control" and "doing things my way" I was still not able to Let Go at that time. Silly really, I understand the illusion and also that nothing will change - yet know that everything will.

It's getting closer and SURRENDER issue and surrounding experience has been a great benefit. I have given "ARE YOU READY?" as the title for the next issue - presumably to help me off the cliff edge and any others who feel it is time. Should be an interesting two months!

If during the course of your next few weeks you have the opportunity to create some clarity around this I would be delighted. This will be a very special issue. I know it.

Know that you are as busy as a beaver but.....deadline for material will be 25th of July but sooner is always better.

Thank you for supporting us,

Love and Peace

Roger

Please come and visit our web site - www.elohim.com - it gives a complete overview of the Journal and wonderful information from back issues.

AND MY REPLY WAS:

Hello Roger

Nice to be in touch with you again and delighted to be invited to contribute to your magnificent publication. As you wrote, I'm busy as a beaver but think that something may indeed come through with regard to this "moving forward spiritually and surrendering to the nascent New Reality of total permanent Bliss in Oneness with All That Is" theme.

One thing sure, I feel I'll be introducing your readers in some way to the new initiative of the weekly Global Meditation Foci suggested by the Global Meditation Focus Group, as I believe doing such global healing work in an impersonal, selfless and unattached way and on a regular basis is a mightily powerful and vibrationally-upping route to higher consciousness - sorts of put you into the mindset and perspective of the Almighty One with regards to bringing the whole human Family in synch with our highest callings for love, peace and harmony.

Also I might take some excerpts (with their permission) from the beautiful contributions from other ERNers sent as a result of the Depression and Despair theme of these past 2 weeks, as there are some beautiful gems there that could be just rightly attuned with your focus.

I'll also to include your email and this reply in a coming compilation as I believe there might be other people interested as well to contribute to your next issue of Elohim.

Back in touch soon and keep up your great Light Work Roger ;-)

Jean




AS MENTIONED ABOVE, HERE IS AN EXCELLENT LETTER FROM Aluna Joy Yaxk'in WHERE SHE DESCRIBES HER VIVID DREAM AND ENCOURAGES US TO SURRENDER TO WHAT'S NEXT FOR US IN OUR EVOLUTIONARY PLAN

For you review and publication if spirit calls
Love and Blessings

Aluna Joy

It's All About Surrender - Aluna Joy Yaxk'in

If I was asked to pick one of the most potent teachings I have received in
my awakening process, it would be the acts of constant "surrender" and
"non-attachment". No matter which way we turn in life these days, we are
being asked to let go of what we know, to be able to step into the vast
unknown. Surrender and non-attachment work hand in hand. To live in
non-attachment is to surrender in every moment; to "let go and let God."

Lately we find our lives and our world changing in ways we did not expect,
and many, like myself, had "plans." We can get attached to our plans. We
have plans for our businesses, our spiritual lives and our relationships.
But lately I am beginning to think the Great Maker has a bigger "Plan" than
we could have imagined on our own. The challenge we are faced with is to
let go of our human 3D idea of a perfect future to make room for the grand
and unexpectedly wonderful next step the creator has in store for us!

This topic reminds me of a vision I had a few months back. In the vision I
saw all the lightworkers, healers, teachers, wise ones, elders, shamans and
all consciously-evolving people of the world standing high atop a huge
360-degree red rock plateau. The plateau rose from the desert floor
several hundred feet in all directions. The plateau was very crowded, much
like a sold-out rock concert. There was not an inch of space left to move
about. Many in the group were becoming impatient, and began to shove and
push. The ones on the edge began to quickly search for a way to get off
the plateau so they would not be pushed off and fall to the desert floor.
But in every direction there was only a sharp drop off. There were no
ladders, ropes, bridges or signs saying this way down. The pulse of the
group intensified and the entire top of the plateau became a single pulsing
organism.

I asked what the vision meant, and I came to realize that we as a human
race have experienced everything we possibly can. We have re-hashed,
re-written, re-taught and re-experienced every spiritual teaching known in
this dimension. There is no place left to go. Nothing left to learn. We
cannot back up because history is too packed full of experience and the
time has passed where we could retreat back to our comfort zone of what is
known. We are on a spiritual plateau. We are being asked to move forward
into the unknown. But moving forward takes courage, faith and a huge dose
of surrender to be able to make the jump off this spiritual plateau. It
will also take a huge dose of non-attachment to what we know, who we think
we are and what we have. And the universe is asking us . . . "Are we ready?"

The Inca Spiritual Messenger I work with in Peru, Willaru Huayta, has
taught me a lot about non-attachment over the last few years. Here is a
man who once lived in a cave in the Amazon jungle, with no material
possessions. At that time in his life he was able to move back and forth
between dimensions and to commune with the masters, like the Great Inca,
Lord Meru, and the Angelic realms. Willaru learned how to jump into the
vast unknown -- jump off the plateau -- but he also had next-to-no
attachments to this world, either. But as we move back into the mainstream
world, it becomes harder to maintain this ability, as Willaru soon
discovered when he was asked to re-enter the world and share his teachings.
It was considerably easier for him to enter the void while in the jungles
than it is now, while living in Cuzco, running pilgrimages, and raising a
family.

Where Willaru is right now, is where we all are. We can't go running into
the jungles with just the clothes on our backs and learn to surrender and
take the jump into the void. We are being asked to jump surrounded by all
the things we have collected in our very busy and complicated lives, lives
filled with our family obligations, our demanding jobs, our material
possessions. This doesn't mean we must give it all up, it just means we
must not be attached to who we are, what we have, and our plans. We are
being asked to be ever ready to hear the call, to step on the new path, to
make the jump when it reveals itself.

Jesus said, "See that you are dressed for action and have your lamps lit.
Be like men waiting for their master to return from the wedding feast,
ready to open the door as soon as he comes and knocks. Happy those
servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. I tell you solemnly,
He will put on an apron, sit them down at the table and wait on them.

My vision evolved during a few months and the ones on the plateau became
the archetype called Indiana Jones and began to swing a machete in the deep
dark crowded jungle called life, cutting a path to an unknown destination.
This addition to the original vision reminded me that it is time for us to
joyously embrace the spiritual adventurer inside ourselves. It is time to
be wild in our thinking and to be creative in our actions. These are the
days we can birth a new world, a new age, a new creation, and it is up to
us what manifests. All it will take is one person on the spiritual plateau
to brave the jungle ahead, to jump into the unknown, to lead us to a new
future.

The vision was clear -- we as humanity are waiting, desiring and begging
for the next step. Something new and unexpected is on the way and we can
all feel its coming. It is our readiness and state of surrender that will
help us see the path ahead. We can take flight from the spiritual plateau
and reach higher states than we have ever dreamed of. Everything we have
learned for ages past, through cultures, religion, science, has brought us
to this place. For us to access the next step we have to expect the
unexpected; to stretch our conscious and unconscious minds to accept a new
reality emerging right in front of us. Forest Gump said, "Life is like a
box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get." It is time
to let go of the plans we have made and to jump with boundless surrender
into the Creator's new vision. Are YOU ready? The creator thinks so!

---

Aluna Joy Yaxk'in is an internationally known spiritual guide, speaker, author, photographer, Mayan Astrologer, Clairvoyant, and Sacred Site Essence Formulator. CLIP. She can be reached at Center of the SUN - Aluna Joy Yaxk'in, PO Box 1988, Sedona AZ 86339 Ph: 520-282-6292 Ph/Fax: 520-282-4622
Webpage:www.1spirit.com/alunajoy E-mail: alunajoy@1spirit.com




NOTE FROM JEAN: The following reply from Julian is a follow up on the terrible tragedy occuring right now in Indonesia where 9000 orang-utans have been killed only last year as a result of both the destruction of the rainforest by fires and logging by a government-endorsed billionaire logger in a scheme to clear the land to grow rice (to allegedly feed the poor) on a land that once cleared *cannot* grow rice (to date an area the size of England and Wales has been devastated), thus leaving the local population more destituted and desperate than ever, who in turn kill the few remaining orang-utans for their meat and sell their babies as pets. Peter Quiller was pointing out to me/us the efforts of Phil Peacock who is trying to raise public awareness about their plight. To offer your asssitance to Phil who is in the UK call him at 0181-364-6620.

If you want to review the details of this past correspondence and my entire reply at the time on this, go at http://www.cybernaute.com/earthconcert2000/GreenFiles9.htm (see near the end of that post)

For the record again, here was (in part) my comment on this:

"Like the tigers, the elephants and nearly every other great mammals on Earth, the combination of population growth, short term economic gains if not outright greed, poaching, and the ever expanding encroachement of civilization into every last pristine corner of the planet currently seems to be dooming them all to extinction sooner or later -- and us all soon after. The only thing I feel that may save the Earth is a global spiritual awakening of a high order - one by one by one and so on - and fostering by all possible means the sense of Unity with and responsibility for all Life on Earth."

The Focus group intends to suggest soon a meditation focus on the deforestation worldwide, and particularly the fast destruction of the rainforests, including the largest remaining one in Amazonia, and the ensuing erosion of biodiversity that this loss of habitats causes.

According to Greenpeace, nearly 80% of the world's ancient forest has already been destroyed or degraded. The remainder is disappearing at the rate of 10 million hectares every year - that's an area the size of a football pitch every two seconds. One seventh of the Amazon, an area the size of France, has already been lost.

From: wildnet@ecoterra.net
Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2000
Subject: Orang-utans (Indonesia)

Thanks Jean for posting and commenting that mail and
Thanks Peter for bringing the subject up again.

I guess, especially if Pretty Woman publicly would less play with but
more fight for their habitat, live for the wild Orang Utan as well as
their relatives the native Orang Asli (human beings) would be more
happy.

One of the reasons, why Phil might not have had a good response from the
large orgs like WWF, could be that tackling the root causes of
environmental destruction in Indonesia is serious work (not the usual
fair weather conservation games) and many fear the mafia-like counter
operations of the wheeler-dealers in charge of the Indonesian Dominance
(one can no longer call it governance). Even studies on the forest
destruction paid by the EU were brushed up by the WWF and the EU - by
e.g. not naming names of the companies involved - because one is afraid
to get the WWF offices closed. The UN has completely lost any
credibility by being not even able to fight the forest fires and their
causes in Indonesia. And Indonesia has a stong stand among the ASEAN
block.

In addition I also do not feel comfortable with a statement like: It
takes 500 Pounds to rescue an Orang-utan. There are serious questions
how such a figure could even evolve (by whom, how, for what etc.).

This leaves us with reality: Only a very strong positive action to
actually safeguard natural forest habitat of global activist-groups
together with and lead by Indonesia's traditional native peoples will
form a block strong enough to hold against the next wave of destroyers.
Everything else is a drop of water on a hot stone, as we say.

If Phil or others are interested to think along this line further,
please let me know.

Best greetings

Julian

ECOTERRA Intl.
Nairobi Node
http://www.ecoterra.net
http://www.ecoterra.org.uk

ECOTERRA - FIRST PEOPLES & NATURE FIRST !
SURVIVAL & FREEDOM for PEOPLE & NATURE




AND AS A REMINDER THAT ENLIGHTENED AND PERSISTENT ENVIRONMENTAL ACTIVISTS CAN AND *DO* ACHIEVE WONDERFUL RESULTS IN THEIR COMMONG FIGHT TO SAVE THE PLANET... EVEN IF IT MEANS RISKING THEIR OWN LIFE AND SAFETY! THESE PEOPLE ARE ONLY *SOME* OF THE UNSUNG HEROES OF OUR TIMES.

From http://simedia.org/new/si-goldman2000.html

Goldman Prize: Global environmental champions honored

The work of seven Goldman Environmental Prize winners shows how individuals can make real contributions to the world. (June 2000)

San Francisco, USA

The Goldman Environmental Prize was established in 1989 by Richard and Rhoda Goldman in San Francisco. Awarded annually to grassroots activists from the six inhabited continental regions of the world, the Goldman Prize is the world’s largest prize programme for environmentalists.

A Mexican peasant leader whose struggles against one of the world’s largest lumber companies resulted in his imprisonment and torture in May 1999; a Russian lawyer breaking new legal ground as she pleads precedent-setting environmental cases in Russia; and an ethnobotanist from Madagascar fighting to save the island’s forests that are rich with potentially life-saving drugs were among the seven winners of the 11th annual Goldman Environmental Prize.


-- Logging activist — Rodolfo Montiel Flores, a Mexican peasant leader imprisoned since 2 May 1999, successfully organized the local population to halt logging by the Boise Cascade lumber company in the Petatlan mountains of the Mexican coastal state of Guerrero. Protesting against environmental degradation, corruption and human rights violations, he united local subsistence farmers and environmentalists in a movement that led Boise Cascade to abandon the logging it began soon after NAFTA (North Atlantic Free Trade Agreement) was implemented in Mexico. Flores’ grassroots environmental movement was brutally suppressed by the Mexican Army, and in May 1999 two campesinos, including Montiel Flores, were arrested, suffered beatings, and remain in prison. An attorney representing the Petatlan group was kidnapped, brutally attacked, but later released.

Montiel Flores said from prison: "I invite everybody to share the water we have to drink and the food produced by the earth. Let us look at it as if it were ours not to destroy, but to build. Let us become aware, because it is for the good of your children, your grandchildren, and all the generations. Since we are only passing through, at least we can leave them some pure air to breathe. This is the respectful wish of your friend."


-- Legal landmark — Vera Mischenko, founder of the first public-interest law firm in Russia, won the first successful lawsuit in the Russian Supreme Court in defence of public ecological interests on behalf of current and future generations. Her organization, Mischenko and Ecojuris, was the first to use new Russian legislation to protect environmental rights of people without formal power of attorney. She has won major Supreme Court decisions that have protected forests, stopped a railroad line through a national park and, most recently, prevented oil exploration without environmental-impact assessments on Sakhalin Island, home to 8,000 indigenous people, and to migratory birds, gray whales and other marine mammals. The decision regarding Sakhalin Island represents the first environmental victory in Russia against a multinational corporation.

Said Mischenko: "We have good environmental laws in Russia, but enforcement is nil. Corruption is the rule. Officials can be bribed to issue illegal permits for resource exploitation — it’s incredibly difficult to stop ... The work of Ecojouris, the Russian Public Interest Environmental Law network, and NGOs from different Russian regions has helped protect citizens’ rights and vulnerable ecosystems, as well as strengthen the new Russian democratic system, which is so critical to the future of our country."


-- Herbal medicine saves forests — Nat Quansah, an ethnobotanist from Madagascar, is known as a pioneer in the use of local plants to treat disease. Madagascar is home to 5 per cent of the world’s total plant and animal species and remains one of the most naturally diverse islands on earth. A drug made from the endemic rosy periwinkle has increased the chances of recovery from childhood leukemia from 20 to 80 per cent.

"The forests help us, and we help the forests"

In 1994, Quansah opened a clinic in the village of Ambodisakoana. There he implemented the Integrated Health Care and Conservation Program in which the cultural practice of using natural substances for medicinal purposes is being reintroduced to Malagasy villagers. In the clinic’s four years of operation, 5,685 patients were treated, and the use of local medicinal plants has raised the community’s awareness of the importance of forest conservation.

Quansah has reawakened an interest in herbal medicine among his countrymen and women due to efficacy and economics. "The plants work effectively to heal, and because the majority of people are poor and can’t afford Western medical care, they are looking for alternatives," Quansah said. Medicinal flora give local villagers a reason to save the forests that harbour the plants. "It provides a tangible incentive to preserve nature. The forests help us, and we help the forests. It’s a balance."


-- Clinic fights effects of pollution — Oral Ataniyazova, an obstetrician from Uzbekistan, founded a clinic and a community-based movement to overcome the effects of severe environmental pollution in Karakalpakstan, an autonomous region of Uzbekistan. The heavy use of pesticides and other toxins in the region has created a devastating ecological situation that has negatively affected the health and livelihood of some three million inhabitants. In addition, the diversion of water for irrigation of the region’s cotton crop has resulted in the rapid disappearance of the Aral Sea — one of the world’s largest inland seas — displacing 40,000-60,000 individuals dependent on the formerly productive fishing industry. Working mostly with women and children, Ataniyazova has created programmes to raise awareness of the issues and to seek solutions to the dire conditions in her homeland.

Said Ataniyazova: "We’re finding an increasing rate of diseases in our country, including birth abnormalities, cancer, kidney disease and allergies. The influence of the environment is clear. My main principle is to render practical support to the population of my country in improving the welfare of women and children while conducting concrete activities day to day."


-- Halting navigation project — Oscar Rivas and Elias Diaz Pena began their environmental efforts in Paraguay in 1986 under the dictatorship of General Alfredo Stroessner. Their struggle has continued during political turmoil involving efforts by fascistic groups to regain control of the country. The most visible success of the group they founded has been the campaign to halt the internationally financed Hidrovia Paraguay-Parana navigation project, intended to drain, dredge and alter the region’s waterways as a spur for export-driven development. Their most recent challenge is the struggle to highlight the severe problems associated with the notorious Yacyreta Dam on the Rio Parana. Calling for effective environmental and resettlement plans, Rivas and Diaz submitted a claim to the World Bank Inspection Panel — a move that resulted in recommendations to benefit local communities and an apology from the World Bank.

"As long as the ‘ancient tribes of the future’— indigenous peoples and traditional communities, keepers of the great original wisdom, owners of the key to continuation of life on the planet — maintain their tenacity and resistance, we will all find hope in our threatened future," stated Oscar Rivas.

"To achieve sustainability among human societies, we must revise the present development model which is based on exploitation of resources and imposed by centres of power," said Elias Diaz Pena. "We must replace it with new, creative systems that originate from within local communities, are based on their real needs and priorities, and which are directed towards recovery and conservation of life quality."


-- Protecting Liberian forests — Alexander Peal, a Liberian activist, spearheaded the creation of his country’s first and only national park. Throughout the civil collapse and terror resulting from the 1989 civil war, Peal persisted in efforts he began in the mid-1970s to protect the dwindling forests of Liberia, the only country left in West Africa with any significant forest-cover. After a long exile in the United States, Peal is re-establishing the conservation movement in Liberia. Working without pay, he is taking up where he left off before the civil war and his forced absence. As president of the Society for the Conservation of Nature of Liberia (SCNL), he heads the country’s first private-sector environmental conservation group.

"Ours not to destroy, but to build"

"Leaders of all nations in the Upper Guinea forest region of West Africa must understand the path which has brought humankind to a world environmental crisis and to wisely choose the future course of their actions," Peal said. "They must also obligate themselves to protect and conserve remaining resources so that today’s generation does not deprive tomorrow’s generation of the benefits of those resources." (Source: The Goldman Foundation)

More information: Goldman Environmental Foundation
One Lombard Street, Suite 303, San Francisco, CA 94111, USA.
http://www.goldmanprize.org

From the June 2000 issue of Share International
http://www.shareintl.org




Date: Fri, 23 Jun 2000
From: Mark Graffis <ab758@virgin.vip.vi>
Subject: [LA Times] Oil: Real crunch will come if alternative energy sources aren't developed.

Thursday, June 22, 2000

'California Living' Can't Be Sustained

By RICHARD W. HAZLETT

In recent years, concerned voices in industry, academia and government have been raising fears that the world is "running out of oil." While concern about limited supply is practically as old as the petroleum industry itself, there are many sound geological reasons to believe that the end indeed is in sight--not of oil itself, which will never be fully exhausted, but of the cheap oil on which so much of our new-millennium culture is based.

In 1956, Shell Oil geologist M. King Hubbert forecast the peak in domestic American oil production, presupposing that crude oil output would begin falling about 30 years after the peak in volume of new discoveries. Thirty years was the "life span" for a typical oil field in 1956.

Despite intense criticism from the U.S. Geological Survey at the time, Hubbert's forecast for the U.S. proved dead-on. Our domestic production peak arrived in 1970 and has been in decline ever since. Even development of Alaska's precious Arctic National Wildlife Reserve, using the most optimistic federal estimates, would satisfy global oil thirst for less than half a year.

The oil discovery rate for the whole world began to decline in the late 1960s, suggesting that we should now be experiencing a production peak in global oil supply. That peak has not arrived yet, however, because of improving extraction techniques, OPEC and corporate oil politics and better fuel economies (the current SUV trend excepted).

Yet if current growth in global demand continues, the peak in global petroleum production will arrive in less than a decade, according to geoscientist Marie Minniear at the University of Toledo, whose recent article, "Forecasting the Permanent Decline in Global Petroleum Production," appeared in the March issue of the Journal of Geoscience Education. More optimistic forecasts put the production peak off for another decade, but these assessments are not as current.

Passing a production peak means that the price of oil will erratically but permanently increase to a point beyond which it is no longer cost-efficient to pump the liquid out of the earth. And it is not only the price of a weekend fill-up for Las Vegas that is tied to this cheap energy supply. Pharmaceuticals, recording tape, plastics, personal computers, clothing, film, fertilizers, military weapons, even drinking water and corporate foods all require cheap oil for production. Alas, there are no known practical substitutes for oil in the manufacture of some of these items. Even the inflation index and employment rate are sensitively linked to its price.

As Minniear puts it, much in the face of consumer economic pressure: "Immediate conservation and improved efficiency of petroleum use . . . are necessary to extend the conventional supply long enough for alternatives to be developed." These will likely take the form of bioengineering and of solar, natural gas and, perhaps, hydrogen-based energy schemes, probably on smaller economies of scale than most of us have ever experienced.

There are critical environmental reasons to wean ourselves off of this fuel source soon. The range of concern in the scientific community about global warming--largely unappreciated by the automotive public--goes from serious attention to fear. The few vocal doubters, many given extensive press play, are poorly qualified or misinformed judges. How well-prepared is Los Angeles--a city wholly a creature of the Petroleum Age--for an energy transition that is apparently due within the lifetimes of most people reading these pages? Can fuel cell technologies soon painlessly replace the internal combustion engine on our freeways? Will the real costs of food, clothing, pumped water, entertainment and medical care all rise substantially before we can make adjustments, driving an even greater wedge of social unrest between our "haves" and "have-nots"?

It is time for us to give serious attention to sensible transportation alternatives, including more efficient public transit services; develop tax incentives for solar heating of homes and businesses; reconsider the effects on resources of long commutes and suburban sprawl (who really needs a 3,000-square-foot home 40 miles from work anyway?), then perhaps rethink "community" in ways that make our own Southern California cities more compact and user-friendly, as in much of Western Europe today.

We live in a hyper-driven, self-isolating fairyland of prosperity, trapped within a wasteful infrastructure of our own making. Yet the fact remains, by overwhelming consensus in the Earth science community, that our current form of California living is unsustainable--and that the need for change may come far sooner than we care to believe.

Richard W. Hazlett Is the Chairman of the Geology Department at Pomona College

Copyright 2000 Los Angeles Times

References: http://www.latimes.com/




AND TALKING ABOUT AIR POLLUTION :-)

Baked Beans

Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them but, unfortunately, they had always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet and gentle man, he would never go for this carrying on." So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived in the country she called her husband and told him that she would be late because she had to walk home. On her way, she passed a small diner and the smell of the baked beans was more than she could stand. Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk off any ill effects by the time she reached home. So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had consumed three large orders of baked beans.

All the way home, she putt-putted. And, upon arriving home, she felt reasonably sure she could control it. Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly, "Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the pressure
was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. She took her napkin and fanned the air around her vigorously. Then, she shifted to the other cheek and ripped three more, which reminded her of cabbage cooking.

Keeping her ears tuned to the conversation in the other room, she went on like this for another ten minutes.

When the phone farewells signaled the end of her freedom, she fanned the air a few more times with her napkin, placed it on her lap, and folded her hands upon it, smiling contentedly to herself.

She was the picture of innocence when her husband returned, apologizing for taking so long, he asked her if she peeked, and she assured him that she had not. At this point, he removed the blindfold.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!

There were twelve dinner guests seated around the table to wish her a Happy Birthday!







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